I got back to Ohio after a Summer in Alaska, and as much as I wanted to stay and help Gram out through the Winter, the depression quickly set in. The area she lives in is just soooo depressing! It encourages unhealthy eating, thinking and living. My Gram doesn't quite know this because she has lived there for 92 years and her lifestyle is very limited. (She also tells herself that the more butter, the healthier it is...).
So I had to leave. I was unemployed and not only aren't there any decent jobs in that area, but I didn't want anything to keep me there any longer than I had to. My memory of the past two Winters of dreary darkness, motivated me to get out of dodge before the perpetual gloom set in. (you think I may be exaggerating, but that is actually putting it lightly. At least from my perspective). It was hard to say goodbye to Gram, but I packed my things and headed East.
My plan was to stay with my Mom and Sister through the holidays while looking for a job and place to live, and then start my new life in the new year. Well, the universe has different plans for me. The holidays came and went and here I am. I even opened up my search to the entire country (except for maybe most of the Southern region...ick). But nothing. I won't even get into the miseries of the full-time work of job searching and the conundrum of not being able to find an apartment without a job, and not being able to find a job without being there. And then the bouncing between my families homes has also created an obstacle of taking care of business. Honestly, it's been unbelievably exhausting. Some of my friends tell me that they envy my freedom, and sometimes I can see why. But I think there comes a time when too many options becomes very suffocating. I'm the kind of person who likes the restaurants with very small menus. If they have pages and pages of options, I generally go with the servers favorite dish.
Don't get me wrong. I love my life. Every day is an adventure! Good AND bad. I have faith that there is a plan for me and this is part of that plan. I left Gram's with the knowledge that I had no definite place to go. I even sold my truck because I want to move to a place with public transportation. So here I am with no job, no home and no car...all by choice (well, the job thing, not really). It's a very interesting place to be.
Yesterday was a really strange day. I had one friend ask me for information about Yoga Teacher Training and the school that I attended. I had another asking about my Volunteer work overseas and for the links to places I'd worked over there. I had a third friend ask me about meditation and if I could assist her in beginning a practice. Another called to thank me for recommending a great book to her. Another asking me for relationship advice (which I find the most ironic thing ever) and then I had one of my managers from Alaska call me to tell me about a position that I'd be good for next summer. I basically relived the last 5 years of my life through links and phone conversations yesterday. It was kind of funny creating e-mail's with links to my past...funny in an eyes glazed over, am I dreaming, WAS I dreaming kind of way. But it actually made me feel good. I've always felt that I could teach people to learn from my mistakes. But yesterday was a day that showed me that I can actually guide people through my positive experiences. I often wonder what the outside world sees of me. Sometimes, I feel like the fish so far out of water that I'm in space. But oddly comfortable there. I often think that according to Society standards I may be somewhat of a disappointment. But when people want to have experiences that I have had, I feel I may not be all that disappointing after all.