Today is technically the first anniversary of a rather unpleasant memory of mine, although it's actually been 4 years.
I used to LOVE leap year, and thought it was a day to go out and celebrate. I mean, after all, it's a gift of a day that we don't get every year. But on Leap day, 2008, I was in no shape to go out. A little back story: About a month earlier I had broken up with an on-again/off-again relationship that had spanned over 14 years. I won't get into any of that, but I will tell you that with the break up, I had also tried cutting off a few mutual friends, who were relentless in trying to keep me around. One in particular, Melissa, was not going to let me slip off into post relationship oblivion without a fight. About a week before leap Day, Melissa hounded me until I picked up the phone and talked me into going out with friends, to a comedy show, on Leap day. A few days before Leap day, I started to get ill. On Leap day I had a full on flu, but I knew I couldn't cancel, because I knew Melissa would probably just drag me out of my bed, thinking I was making excuses. So, in my heavily medicated state, I packed everything I thought I would need for the night and headed out to celebrate this very rare of occasions.
The details of the night are a little blurry, and the details of the incident are still a little too vivid to go into great detail, but around midnight on February 29, 2008, two men put a gun to my head and robbed me as I was leaving Melissa's house. I won't get into everything that ran through my head, and how things played out. And I can't get into the impact this event had on me, my friends or family, because it is still a little too disturbing to think about. But what I can say is that I was unbelievably lucky! I AM unbelievably lucky! I can't say that it's made me appreciate my life any more than I did before, because I try to appreciate every minute of every day. I can't say that it made me realize how great my friends and family are, because I already knew how wonderful the people in my life are. And I can't say that it's motivated me to make drastic changes in my life because my life is in a constant state of drastic change. I mean, don't get me wrong, that night left a mark. But as the actual anniversary, down to the minute, slowly creeps towards me tonight, all I can think about is how thankful I am. I'm thankful to those two men for not taking more than my belongings. For not hurting or killing me. For leaving me to see another day. I am thankful for keeping a level head in the face of eminent danger. Mostly, I am thankful for the support and love that my friends and family, and even strangers, showed me in a time that I really needed it. And lastly, my spiteful side is thankful that I had nowhere but my purse to put my nasty, flu filled, dirty tissues all night, and that there probably two VERY ill bad guys later that week.
No matter what, life is short. So enjoy it! Good or bad, watch, reflect, learn and grow from all of it. It's all we can do. It's all we SHOULD do! Begin and end each day by being thankful. I don't do that enough, but tonight I am.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Torture!
Yesterday, my friend, Sarah, who I work with in Alaska had a layover at the SeaTac Airport and I took the train down to meet up with her. On my way back through Seattle, I decided to stay downtown and go visit a few accessories I had been researching for myself. This was a big mistake!
The first thing I went to see were a pair of boots that I have been looking at for literally years! But Sunday night I went to a movie, and one of the actresses was wearing them. I hadn't really thought of them in awhile, but now they were in the forefront of my mind. Unfortunately (for me at least) Macy's now sells the brand and I thought I'd head in to check them out. I figured I'd at least just try them on and hope that they were the world's most uncomfortable boots ever!
Luckily for me, Macy's did not have the style I want, but I tried on another pair, just to see if I could get them on. I could not, and they were out of the size bigger. Woohoo! It didn't really matter because these boots are $348 which means they are probably made out of the skin of some adorable baby of a rare breed of cow, bred and raised specifically by this company to become future boots. So no matter what, this was a dream. Not to mention, they are by far the furthest thing from a necessity. When you're unemployed, living at a friends' house, on the verge of a Ramen noodle diet, you barely can afford to even window shop let alone purchase something that is of no use to your existence at all. At least that's what I'm telling myself these days.
Next was the real torture.
I've never really had a good camera. I mean, my parents bought me a nice digital camera for my 30th birthday, and it took amazing pictures. But it had some major limitations and then decided it wasn't going to work anymore. I bought a brand new point and shoot over the summer and it was stolen 3 weeks after I got it. I went to Hawaii with a borrowed, 5 year old point and shoot, that takes one good picture for every four taken. I'm tired of not having a decent camera and need to just bite the bullet and finance one or something (another reason to have a job...you can buy things!).
I would, ideally, LOVE to have a DSLR camera, but they are outrageously expensive, and quite honestly HUGE in both weight and bulk! For the amount of traveling I do, I'm not sure that a monster camera is the best route for me. And the point and shoots are way too small and easy to either lose or have stolen. Not to mention, I want some of the aspects of the DSLR like manual settings and interchangeable lenses. And a few weeks ago, I stumbled (online) onto the camera, I think, that's for me.
The Olympus Pen series E-PM1. (Actually, I liked the E-PL1, but after visiting them yesterday, the PM1 is better for me). It's compact in size and has many of the preset shooting modes of a point and shoot, with the interchangeable lenses, manual shooting modes and closer image quality to a DSLR. Plus there are optional accessories you can buy like a digital viewfinder (which is a must for me and does not exist on point and shoots anymore) and detachable microphone for better movie audio. And it doesn't cost nearly what the big cameras cost. Again...I was hoping to hate it!
Guess what! I didn't hate it. I mean, I didn't hate the PL1, but I definitely liked the PM1 better. It's faster and even lighter. And the salesman was pretty great at pointing out all the bells and whistles and reading what was holding me back from the sale (little did he know, it was the lack of a financial provider in my life...like, I don't know...a JOB). He made it outright painful for me to walk out of that store. But then again, I was the one who walked in to begin with. I would say that the biggest downfalls I can see are that the viewfinder and the flash attach to the same spot, so I can't have both on at the same time. And the fact that the lenses are all so expensive. The camera with kit lens was $499, the viewfinder $179, the telephoto lens $199 at time of camera purchase ($299 separately). Yikes! That's almost $1000! And that didn't include the 5 year "insurance he was trying to sell me, a camera bag or the nifty dandy tripod that was also super lightweight and compact. UGH! Torture! That's ok, I'll have it someday. To me, I do look at it as a necessity, but not one I can afford right now. Patience is a virtue, right?
The last item on my list of torturing myself is another luxury. A cell phone. This little ditty just came out and I have to say that I am ready to get rid of my iPhone, for many reasons. It still works, and I'll probably keep it for as long as...well, until this phones price comes down to $0 from $300, but I just really think this phone is great for me! This is going to sound retarded, but my biggest reason is because of the pen and the ability to write and draw notes.
A lot of people know this about me, that I am a list and note girl. I carry little tiny notebooks around with me in case I need to write something down. When I got my iPhone, one of the first apps I downloaded was a notebook app, and I have to say that it's also my most frequently used app. But it still drives me crazy to have to type everything up when I just want to write a quick note, so I still carry my little notebooks with me. Now, I barely ever know where I have any of those little notes (I know, BIG dilemma, right?). But with this phone, you can actually write on it, and it can turn it into digital text later if you want. Dilemma fixed! Yea right! For a mere $300, fixed! Yet one more thing on my wishful list of material goods.
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| Jenna (inside zip) by Frye |
The first thing I went to see were a pair of boots that I have been looking at for literally years! But Sunday night I went to a movie, and one of the actresses was wearing them. I hadn't really thought of them in awhile, but now they were in the forefront of my mind. Unfortunately (for me at least) Macy's now sells the brand and I thought I'd head in to check them out. I figured I'd at least just try them on and hope that they were the world's most uncomfortable boots ever!
Luckily for me, Macy's did not have the style I want, but I tried on another pair, just to see if I could get them on. I could not, and they were out of the size bigger. Woohoo! It didn't really matter because these boots are $348 which means they are probably made out of the skin of some adorable baby of a rare breed of cow, bred and raised specifically by this company to become future boots. So no matter what, this was a dream. Not to mention, they are by far the furthest thing from a necessity. When you're unemployed, living at a friends' house, on the verge of a Ramen noodle diet, you barely can afford to even window shop let alone purchase something that is of no use to your existence at all. At least that's what I'm telling myself these days.
Next was the real torture.
I've never really had a good camera. I mean, my parents bought me a nice digital camera for my 30th birthday, and it took amazing pictures. But it had some major limitations and then decided it wasn't going to work anymore. I bought a brand new point and shoot over the summer and it was stolen 3 weeks after I got it. I went to Hawaii with a borrowed, 5 year old point and shoot, that takes one good picture for every four taken. I'm tired of not having a decent camera and need to just bite the bullet and finance one or something (another reason to have a job...you can buy things!).
I would, ideally, LOVE to have a DSLR camera, but they are outrageously expensive, and quite honestly HUGE in both weight and bulk! For the amount of traveling I do, I'm not sure that a monster camera is the best route for me. And the point and shoots are way too small and easy to either lose or have stolen. Not to mention, I want some of the aspects of the DSLR like manual settings and interchangeable lenses. And a few weeks ago, I stumbled (online) onto the camera, I think, that's for me.
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| Olympus PEN series E-PM1--my future camera |
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| in a hand to show the size...isn't it cute? |
The last item on my list of torturing myself is another luxury. A cell phone. This little ditty just came out and I have to say that I am ready to get rid of my iPhone, for many reasons. It still works, and I'll probably keep it for as long as...well, until this phones price comes down to $0 from $300, but I just really think this phone is great for me! This is going to sound retarded, but my biggest reason is because of the pen and the ability to write and draw notes.
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| Samsung Galaxy Note |
A lot of people know this about me, that I am a list and note girl. I carry little tiny notebooks around with me in case I need to write something down. When I got my iPhone, one of the first apps I downloaded was a notebook app, and I have to say that it's also my most frequently used app. But it still drives me crazy to have to type everything up when I just want to write a quick note, so I still carry my little notebooks with me. Now, I barely ever know where I have any of those little notes (I know, BIG dilemma, right?). But with this phone, you can actually write on it, and it can turn it into digital text later if you want. Dilemma fixed! Yea right! For a mere $300, fixed! Yet one more thing on my wishful list of material goods.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Dear Hawaii,
Here are some of the things that I learned about Hawaii the hard way.
Information (aka, asking the right questions)- Now pay attention here because this is VERY IMPORTANT! In Hawaii, whether it is with natives or non-natives, it does not matter. If you want to know something specific, then you have to ask something specific. I don't know if it's due to years of tourists asking a million questions or what, but important information seems to be left out if you did not specifically ask for it. Let me give you a few "for instances".
FOR INSTANCE: Let's say you are going to a far off land to work on someone's farm or gardens. You find them on a website dedicated to finding people to work on their farms or gardens. You wouldn't think to ask the very, what I think is, obvious question of, "Do you have any gardening tools?".
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| The only two tools we had to work with...yikes |
FOR INSTANCE: Again, let's say that this same, alleged, farm or garden person advertises and confirms through your communication that they are located close to town, shopping centers, beaches and buses. Do you assume that this means that you can get to these places easily? Especially since this person is not providing food for your stay, and you touched on the food accessibility topic many times in communication? In other places...maybe. But in Hawaii, you need to ask specifically, "You are close to town, yes, BUT...will we be able to get to town? Or will there be a large switchback hill with no sidewalks and treacherous cliffs on either side that is absolutely impossible, and extremely dangerous if you try, to walk?".
FOR INSTANCE: If you were going to work on an organic farm in rural Hawaii, with the agreement of house and animal sitting for a few dogs and cats, for a few weeks, would you ever think that the "animal" sitting would be 4 dogs, 18 cats and about 50 chickens who all roam free INSIDE the house? Would you also think to ask the question about what specific type of "organic" plants they are growing? And if they are legal or not?
FOR INSTANCE: When you are renting a car (granted from a local establishment), would you think that they only take cash and only have standard transmission cars available? And would you think that if both of those were the case, that the establishment would inform you of this before you showed up to pick up the car?
One last for instance, because I could go on all day with these.
FOR INSTANCE: Say you want to rent a vacation home for a week on your first time to Hawaii. The location, price and ammenities are exactly what you want. Do you assume that the person renting the place to you is legally allowed to, based on the fact that they are the ones advertising the rental? Or do you ask if their renters lease allows them to sublet their place out to strangers for money? Do you assume that when they advertise it as a house, that it's not an in-law apartment attached to the Landlord's house, who isn't to know that you are renting from THEIR renter? Not usually. And do you think to ask if they believe in electronic devices such as TV's and microwaves for your stay over THANKSGIVING?!?!?! Nope.
Anyway, like I said, MANY examples. Just make sure you know exactly what you want to know, before asking the questions. But no matter how well informed you think you are, chances are, Hawaii will throw something at you that you would have never thought of.
Sidewalks-there aren't any. Well, I guess if you're in the city, or bigger town, they have some downtown, but anywhere else, good luck. There's barely a shoulder on the road and the people don't drive very safely.
-They are NEVER on time. I would say the average was 15-20 minutes late, but there were multiple times we waited for an hour or so.
-Transfers-I got a different explanation of the transfer tickets by many people. For the longest time, I was under the impression that you could only use it for continuous travel in the same direction. It wasn't until the very end of my time on Oahu that I found out that you could use the transfer for your return trip as well. Thank you Hawaii for unnecessarily taking even more of my money.
-Why do you change some of the bus numbers halfway through their route? There was a time that we sat in Haleiwa, waiting for the #55 bus forever, while a million (slight exaggeration) #52 buses went by. I finally called THEbus (yes, that's their catchy name) and asked if the #55 came through there and when. When the operator stated that the #55 did in fact come through Haleiwa, he was ready to wrap up the call. I had to think quick to find out the more important, hidden, information. "Does the #55, by any chance, change numbers anywhere before Haleiwa?", I asked. "Oh yea, yes it does! It changes to the #52 bus right before it hits Haleiwa". Good to know! Just sayin'.
-The no luggage rule. How in the world can a place that is KNOWN for it's tourism industry have a bus system that does not allow luggage on it? The buses in Seattle (and quite honestly in many places I've been) either have a shelf above the seats, or an opening in the middle for people with luggage to stand, etc. This was quite possibly the single most inconvenient aspect to traveling independently in Hawaii.
Public transport on the Big Island of Hawaii- Get rid of what you have. It's useless. (At least on the Hilo side)
Descriptions-
-A "gentle incline" is not something that makes me want to die by the time I reach the top.
-A Shrimp truck and a few white plastic tents selling Hawaii souvenirs, does not a "Town" make.
-A BARELY two lane road that averages a speed limit of 35 MPH is NOT A "HIGHWAY"!
-The ability to rent old junker cars out of your dilapidated barn, in the middle of nowhere, is not a "Business".
-Hilo is not a "city"
-and I'm sorry, but the Hilo Farmers Market is not (or should not be) "World Famous"!
Camping- You'd think that camping would be a big thing in Hawaii. That there'd be a nice supply of private and public campgrounds and campers. Alas, no. There are many state parks and state run campgrounds but a reservation and stay at one of them does not come without jumping through a few hoops. There are camping permits, but the permits vary depending on when and where and how long you want to stay somewhere. There are also rules about when and how you can get the permits themselves. Each facility has different rules pertaining to length of stay, tents, cars, pets, food and ALL of them are closed on Wednesdays and Thursdays for "maintenance and cleaning". I was told this is to keep people (mainly hippies and homeless) from being able to live in the campgrounds and on the beaches, but I have news for you Hawaii, it's also making it EXTREMELY difficult for the financially challenged to enjoy a non resort Hawaiian experience. Thank you again. (p.s. for anyone wanting to camp, there is ONE great campgrounds we found called Malaekahana campgrounds, www.malaekahana.net, on the windward side, between Laie and Kahuku. Chickens, roosters and cats galore roam free and they have a different idea of "comfort zone", but the location, sites and staff are great! Just make sure you bring your own toilet paper and know that Wednesdays and Thursdays are PACKED!).
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| Campsite 2-I at the Malaekahana Campgrounds A tent, a hammock and a Martzy fashioned windscreen |
Rental cars- If anyone refers you to a man named Aaron, on the Big Island, around the Pahoa area, say "No thank you.".
When the directions include two and a half miles of mango grove and a blue paint chipped gate, it should raise a red flag or two. If not, then when you can't tell which building is the one you're supposed to go to because they are all over grown with weeds, roofs and walls collapsing with piles of old car carcasses scattered around, then you should turn and leave. But if you proceed and a white haired, barefoot man with a two foot long beard comes out, of what I suspect is a house, to greet you, smelling suspiciously like a certain glaucoma prescription medication, a light bulb should surely go off in that dense melon of yours. At that point though, you've already invested so much naivete that you might as well seal the deal, but thank your lucky stars (in retrospect) when critical details are just now being revealed that bring the whole adventure to a screeching halt.
Shuttle buses vs. Taxis-Oh man! Where to even start. Lauren and I got an earful from one very discouraged shuttle bus driver about the corruption in the tourism industry between the resorts and the taxi companies. First, do not ever ask the front desk of your hotel to arrange a cab for you. It will be OUTRAGEOUSLY expensive! Second, do not use a taxi at all, if you are going to/from the airport. They will take whatever you have in your wallet. Third, if any form of transportation, taxi's or shuttles, try to charge you for your luggage, they are pocketing that for themselves. You should NEVER have to pay for your luggage to be transported with you. Other than on an airlines, who is probably doing the same thing. Anyway, take a shuttle. There are Hawaii information guides all over the place that have coupons in them and you can find quite a few shuttles that way. They charge anywhere from $7-$12 one way and some will let you purchase roundtrip transport for a lower rate. I had nothing but good experiences with shuttles, especially these guys- www.mahaloshuttle.com. Although I would have rathered take the bus, if I would've been allowed to take my LUGGAGE on with me!
Japanese tourists- There are thousands, if not millions of them. You just have to keep reminding yourself that they have a different culture. They may not be used to personal space the way we are, or choosing a side of the sidewalk or door to go through. But no matter how strong the urge, you have to remember that elbowing and punching your way through a crowd is rude in any culture.
Hostel dorm ettiquette-I'll get into that at a different time. In my three hostel stays, equaling about 5 weeks total, I had 51 roommates. None of which were Hawaiian, so I have no beef with Hawaii about any of that.
I think that might be the bulk of it Hawaii. All in all, I had an amazing experience! But you sure do make it hard to visit on a budget. It's too bad that the big resorts and car rental chains dictate so much of the tourism industry, because there is so much more to Hawaii than that. I am thankful for all of these glorious tidbits of knowledge that I am now the proud owner of. I met many wonderful (and some not so wonderful) people. I got my hands dirty, literally, in the soil of two of your islands. I ate the most amazingly delicious and exotic fruits, smelled a perfect medley of tropical flowers and saltwater that I wish could be bottled. I swam with and meditated with sea life that I thought only dreams were made of and soaked in the bountiful, love drenched rays of the Hawaiian sun. I connected with Mother Nature and most importantly with myself on your beaches, in your jungle, on your back roads, in the lava ponds and in the sea. You tested my patience and my will, and I came out the other side a stronger, more adaptable person for it (even if you did rape my bank account).
I thank you, Hawaii, for every moment, whether it be joyful or tearful, of my two and half months with you!
Friday, February 24, 2012
A day from outer space...yikes
I know no one probably reads this anymore, but I need to write about this day because it was something I haven't quite encountered in awhile, and wasn't quite prepared.
Let's start with last night, and the fact that I couldn't sleep. I laid in bed until 4am with my eyes clamped shut until I gave myself a headache and fell asleep. I awoke to the sounds of my friends' 2 year old running around (I'm staying with friends right now), the TV going downstairs (it's on from morning through night in this house) and the dog whimpering outside my bedroom door to take her on a walk. These are usually telltale signs that it is at least 10am, but I didn't feel very rested. I rolled over and looked at my clock and it was around 7:15am... WHAT?!?!?
I immediately was pissed. I wanted the two year old to at least stop playing outside my bedroom door, the dog to give me a break and for the TV to be turned off! I tried covering my head with a pillow, but the speakers to the GIANT TV downstairs, are in the ceiling, which is my floor. A pillow was doing nothing. I laid here steaming about the problem with America today and TV, over stimulation, consumerism, conformity, etc. You know, the usual, lighthearted morning thought process. I called a good friend of mine to vent before I headed downstairs to take my sleep deprived crankiness out on someone who didn't deserve it. After a few minutes of griping about the perpetually running television that, in my opinion, is absolutely unnecessary and maddening (but I won't get into all that right now) I noticed there was complete silence on the other end. That was when I realized and she quickly confirmed that she, also, has the TV on all day. So, that conversation didn't go so well. But it didn't matter because I just needed to vent and I got it out.
I decide to get up and take a nice hot shower before I head downstairs, only to find that there is minimal hot water. So I took a warm shower. No worries...I have an appointment for a massage at 3pm and all my worries will go away. I just have to make it to 3:00.
Around noon, I feel that I have my head together enough to go downstairs and face the day, but find almost immediately that I should not be interacting with any living beings, tall or small.
The friend I'm staying with is reading a book that bad mouths American parenting in comparison to French parenting and gives pointers on how to raise a civilized, well mannered, well rounded child. My favorite point about this book, (at least from what she's told me), is that American Moms put too much stock in all those books out there that give advice on how you should be raising your child. Does anyone else see the irony here? Now, I'm not going to get into any details, but my friend hasn't really had a lot of experience with children and she's trying to raise a very curious, very active two year old with as little structure as possible. I, on the other hand, regardless of not having any children of my own, have literally a lifetime of experience with children and know MANY American parents who have civilized, well mannered, well rounded children. Needless to say I bite my tongue a lot when she talks about all this, but today was not the day for me.
I was actually very proud of myself because I knew I was on edge and really didn't want to hurt her feelings, but I did point out a few things to her that I've wanted to point out for awhile now. For the rest of the conversation, while I was trying to bite my tongue, I decided to eat to keep my mouth busy. Yikes!
I finally told her that I was in a really bad mood and after that, everything was fine.
Her husband comes home and I inform them of my plans for the day including my massage and Trader Joe's afterwards. Next thing you know, it's a conversation between the two of them about his brother working at one of the Trader Joe's, and before I know it, he's on the phone with his brother, asking if they're hiring and telling him that he's sending me down this afternoon for an application. Um...what just happened? I'm headed there after a massage. I'm not going to be dressed well, in fact, I'll probably be oily. Yay! Something to look forward to.
WOW! That was just my morning! I haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet. Sorry, but you'll have to bear with me please. Trust me, it gets better. It's not ALL just me bitchin'"!
Let's roll ahead to 2:30 when I need to be heading out the door for my massage appointment. I get in the car and there's no gas. I get to the gas station and gas is $4.05 a gallon...UGH! Don't even get me started. I put $10 in because I will search for cheaper gas later, and pull out of the station with the needle BARELY above the E.
I make it to my appointment at 2:59 (phew) and the receptionist hands my chart to the massage therapist and says to me, "Mark will take you back with him now". SCREEEEEAAAAACH!!!!! Wait, what?
I've had many massages in my life, but I've never had one from a man. I don't even go to male Dr.'s. I never even thought of this possibility. I feel the muscles in my back and shoulders tense up with every step towards the dimly lit, flower scented, rolling Ocean wave CD playing room. Mark (who I would describe as a cross between Jack Black and Zak Galifinakis, only thinner) gives me his shpeel about the process, tells me to disrobe and he will be back in a minute. All I could think about was this ridiculous Groupon that I had purchased that brought me and Mark together. I disrobe, Mark comes back in and the next hour was one of the most uncomfortable, awkward, weirdest hours of my life. And anyone who knows me, knows I have a lot of weird hours.
Let me start by saying that Mark is a talker. That man talked nonstop for the ENTIRE hour! He started out asking me some questions about myself, but then would take that subject and run with it. I stupidly mentioned that one of the things I needed the massage for was this big Unemployment debacle that I'm going through right now. "OH MY GOD!", he says. "Did they tell you they made a mistake and want their money back?", I nod my head and say, "Something like that". "Well, you are screwed! I went through the same thing 3 years ago and mine still isn't resolved! They garnished my wages, emptied my bank account, made my life MISERABLE! You need to close any account you have in your name immediately!", and he goes on and on and on. I finally tell him that he's not helping any, and he apologizes and changes the subject... to...his recent eviction from a house he got suckered into renting by a blind man he met in massage therapy school. He went on about the house he's currently in, of which his father had to pull some strings to get him into it, and all the work he's doing there. He told me about this cute tomboy friend he has, and how he understands why her boyfriend is always worried that she's gonna meet someone else. And started giving me step by step narration of the muscles he was massaging and the movements he was using. He even told me that he has magic hands, but "sorry, no happy endings in my sessions". gulp! Where in the world am I? I'm pretty sure the term "happy ending" is in the massage therapy books as a big no-no term. All the while, he is spending an uncomfortable amount of time working on the top of my thighs. Another inch to the right and...well...let's just say, I was gonna relieve some stress one way or another.
Oh yea, did I mention he was a hand talker? He would stop massaging and just stand there, talking to me, using his hands to hit the point home. In my experience, a massage is best done with the hands ON THE BODY! He worked a little on my back, and then said "Well, unfortunately our hour is up. But if you decide to come back here, I'm excited to see you again. If not, you could look me up on Facebook and I'd be happy to come out to your house and give you a special deal on a massage. I sure hope I was able to relax you today.". (Do I even need to insert my eye roll?) I responded with my typical Martzy sarcasm, "Oh yea right. Is that what you were doing?". He laid his head on the back of mine, let out a deep sigh and said, in the most self deprecating way, "I suck!". I could have sworn he threw in the word "again", with a whisper, at the end.
I needed to use the bathroom, but there was someone in it, and I just wanted to get out of there. So, I left that building feeling, well, I guess stunned. I had no idea a massage was able to be that horrible. That's what I get for going cheap and using Groupon. I headed next door to 7-11 to use their restroom, where the kind gentleman behind the counter handed me a 3 foot pipe with a bathroom key attached to it. And I returned the favor by purchasing a cup of tea and a banana. I'll skip ahead to the part where I sat the tea on the middle console in the car to get in and immediately forgot it was there. I pull out of the parking lot, and at the first stop sign, I hit the brakes, and the tea falls forward, cap comes off and tea starts pouring all over the place. Small potatoes in a big day. Off to the grocery store.
After parking at the grocery store, I see I have a voicemail from an Ohio number. I listen to the voicemail and it's from a man named Ken to a man named Leonard. It is a very thorough message talking about the "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" conference they had both attended the day before, and Ken wanted Leonard to have his number. I felt bad for Ken, knowing that Leonard will never have Ken's number and Ken will think that Leonard totally ditched him (although Leonard did give Ken my phone number, so chances are, he did). Of course, I call him back.
Ken answers the phone and upon hearing my voice (which matches the voice on MY voicemail), tells me that he had intended the message for Leonard. Here's how the conversation went:
Me- "May I please speak with Ken?"
Ken-"Yea, Hi. I had actually left the message for Leonard".
Me- "Yes, I know. I am calling because I wanted to let you know that you called the wrong number".
Ken- "Well, there's nothing I can do about that. This is the number Leonard gave me".
Enter a 5 minute conversation about their meeting at the conference the day before, where the conference was, what Ken had gotten out of it and a, "Well, you know, cuz you listened to my message".
Me-a lot of uh huh's, mm hmm's and yups.
Ken-"Soooo...what would be the best number to get in touch with Leonard then?"
Me- confused, "um, no, I don't know Leonard. I don't know ANY Leonards".
Ken-"OH! So I have the completely wrong number?!?!?"
Me-giggle "Yes" giggle (thinking I had been clear about that with the whole "you called the wrong number" thing at the begining of the conversation).
Ken- genuine disappointment, "So, I guess I'm never going to get to speak to Leonard again, huh?"
Me- "um, I guess not".
Ken goes on to thank me for calling and letting him know, tells me a little bit more about the strong connection they shared over this new book and who he's planning on buying it for, and more about the disappointment of never getting to talk to Leonard again. If we were in person, I probably would have given Ken a hug.
We cordially say good-bye and hang up and I wonder if Ken's realization of never speaking to ME again will be as profound as Leonard.
Into Trader Joe's I go. I promise this is the end of it...almost.
I just wanted to get some organic veggies, an application and go. I don't know my friends' brother that well (aside from him being the best man and me being the maid of honor at his brother and my friends' wedding), so I wasn't too enthused about tracking him down, especially after these bizarro incidents. I figured if I saw him, I'd say "hi", if not, I'd just go. I got my veggies, got the application, and thought I was going to get out of there without another awkward interaction for the day, but why would that be the case?
As I'm paying and the lines are getting longer, I spot him heading to a register to help ring people up. I do a lingering inner debate about saying anything to him, and realize that I'm being an idiot. I walk over to his line, lean over behind the counter and casually wave and say "Hey Jeff". He turns towards me, his eyes light up and he does an unmistakably classic, drawing a blank on my name, "Heeeeey!.... Yooooou!" and points in my direction. I'm embarrassed FOR him! My first urge is to run, and I think I kind of did. I really had no idea what to follow that with, and I'm sure the customers in line were rather entertained. I turn back towards him, and say, "I know your brother called you earlier about an application, but I was coming here to shop already". HUH? Why and the world am I telling him this? He points towards the manager cubicle and tries to speak, but it really only came out as a bunch of incomprehensible sounds. I jump in to help him out and tell him I already got one. He responds with "Good!". I don't know what words came next because we both sputtered a few nonsensical words towards each other at the same time, ending with, what I would classify as a retardedly uncomfortable silence. I start to walk away and realize that I didn't say goodbye. I step back over, wave and say "Great seeing you! Have a great night!". He just smiles (along with the rest of the customers around I'm sure).
I walk out of the store, shaking my head in disbelief of this day, remembering a time when this was the usual day for me and NOT missing that aspect of my past AT ALL. I wasn't sure if I was going to break into hysterical laughter, or cry. But my hunch was that it was going to be a combination of both, which always makes me feel like I'm a little bit insane. Whatever the case, I knew I just wanted to be in bed in the fetal position for the meltdown.
When I walked in the door, after only being gone for about 3 hours, my friends ask me how the massage was. I told them that I had to put away my groceries first and give them time to prepare for the story I just told here. Knowing me for 15 years has given them an idea that they were in for a good one.
In the end, I only laughed hysterically, along with my friends. But I knew I had to write about it to fully get it out.
Thanks for being so patient, and I hope it was worth your time to read. If not, oh well. Get over it! I lost a whole day to this!
Let's start with last night, and the fact that I couldn't sleep. I laid in bed until 4am with my eyes clamped shut until I gave myself a headache and fell asleep. I awoke to the sounds of my friends' 2 year old running around (I'm staying with friends right now), the TV going downstairs (it's on from morning through night in this house) and the dog whimpering outside my bedroom door to take her on a walk. These are usually telltale signs that it is at least 10am, but I didn't feel very rested. I rolled over and looked at my clock and it was around 7:15am... WHAT?!?!?
I immediately was pissed. I wanted the two year old to at least stop playing outside my bedroom door, the dog to give me a break and for the TV to be turned off! I tried covering my head with a pillow, but the speakers to the GIANT TV downstairs, are in the ceiling, which is my floor. A pillow was doing nothing. I laid here steaming about the problem with America today and TV, over stimulation, consumerism, conformity, etc. You know, the usual, lighthearted morning thought process. I called a good friend of mine to vent before I headed downstairs to take my sleep deprived crankiness out on someone who didn't deserve it. After a few minutes of griping about the perpetually running television that, in my opinion, is absolutely unnecessary and maddening (but I won't get into all that right now) I noticed there was complete silence on the other end. That was when I realized and she quickly confirmed that she, also, has the TV on all day. So, that conversation didn't go so well. But it didn't matter because I just needed to vent and I got it out.
I decide to get up and take a nice hot shower before I head downstairs, only to find that there is minimal hot water. So I took a warm shower. No worries...I have an appointment for a massage at 3pm and all my worries will go away. I just have to make it to 3:00.
Around noon, I feel that I have my head together enough to go downstairs and face the day, but find almost immediately that I should not be interacting with any living beings, tall or small.
The friend I'm staying with is reading a book that bad mouths American parenting in comparison to French parenting and gives pointers on how to raise a civilized, well mannered, well rounded child. My favorite point about this book, (at least from what she's told me), is that American Moms put too much stock in all those books out there that give advice on how you should be raising your child. Does anyone else see the irony here? Now, I'm not going to get into any details, but my friend hasn't really had a lot of experience with children and she's trying to raise a very curious, very active two year old with as little structure as possible. I, on the other hand, regardless of not having any children of my own, have literally a lifetime of experience with children and know MANY American parents who have civilized, well mannered, well rounded children. Needless to say I bite my tongue a lot when she talks about all this, but today was not the day for me.
I was actually very proud of myself because I knew I was on edge and really didn't want to hurt her feelings, but I did point out a few things to her that I've wanted to point out for awhile now. For the rest of the conversation, while I was trying to bite my tongue, I decided to eat to keep my mouth busy. Yikes!
I finally told her that I was in a really bad mood and after that, everything was fine.
Her husband comes home and I inform them of my plans for the day including my massage and Trader Joe's afterwards. Next thing you know, it's a conversation between the two of them about his brother working at one of the Trader Joe's, and before I know it, he's on the phone with his brother, asking if they're hiring and telling him that he's sending me down this afternoon for an application. Um...what just happened? I'm headed there after a massage. I'm not going to be dressed well, in fact, I'll probably be oily. Yay! Something to look forward to.
WOW! That was just my morning! I haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet. Sorry, but you'll have to bear with me please. Trust me, it gets better. It's not ALL just me bitchin'"!
Let's roll ahead to 2:30 when I need to be heading out the door for my massage appointment. I get in the car and there's no gas. I get to the gas station and gas is $4.05 a gallon...UGH! Don't even get me started. I put $10 in because I will search for cheaper gas later, and pull out of the station with the needle BARELY above the E.
I make it to my appointment at 2:59 (phew) and the receptionist hands my chart to the massage therapist and says to me, "Mark will take you back with him now". SCREEEEEAAAAACH!!!!! Wait, what?
I've had many massages in my life, but I've never had one from a man. I don't even go to male Dr.'s. I never even thought of this possibility. I feel the muscles in my back and shoulders tense up with every step towards the dimly lit, flower scented, rolling Ocean wave CD playing room. Mark (who I would describe as a cross between Jack Black and Zak Galifinakis, only thinner) gives me his shpeel about the process, tells me to disrobe and he will be back in a minute. All I could think about was this ridiculous Groupon that I had purchased that brought me and Mark together. I disrobe, Mark comes back in and the next hour was one of the most uncomfortable, awkward, weirdest hours of my life. And anyone who knows me, knows I have a lot of weird hours.
Let me start by saying that Mark is a talker. That man talked nonstop for the ENTIRE hour! He started out asking me some questions about myself, but then would take that subject and run with it. I stupidly mentioned that one of the things I needed the massage for was this big Unemployment debacle that I'm going through right now. "OH MY GOD!", he says. "Did they tell you they made a mistake and want their money back?", I nod my head and say, "Something like that". "Well, you are screwed! I went through the same thing 3 years ago and mine still isn't resolved! They garnished my wages, emptied my bank account, made my life MISERABLE! You need to close any account you have in your name immediately!", and he goes on and on and on. I finally tell him that he's not helping any, and he apologizes and changes the subject... to...his recent eviction from a house he got suckered into renting by a blind man he met in massage therapy school. He went on about the house he's currently in, of which his father had to pull some strings to get him into it, and all the work he's doing there. He told me about this cute tomboy friend he has, and how he understands why her boyfriend is always worried that she's gonna meet someone else. And started giving me step by step narration of the muscles he was massaging and the movements he was using. He even told me that he has magic hands, but "sorry, no happy endings in my sessions". gulp! Where in the world am I? I'm pretty sure the term "happy ending" is in the massage therapy books as a big no-no term. All the while, he is spending an uncomfortable amount of time working on the top of my thighs. Another inch to the right and...well...let's just say, I was gonna relieve some stress one way or another.
Oh yea, did I mention he was a hand talker? He would stop massaging and just stand there, talking to me, using his hands to hit the point home. In my experience, a massage is best done with the hands ON THE BODY! He worked a little on my back, and then said "Well, unfortunately our hour is up. But if you decide to come back here, I'm excited to see you again. If not, you could look me up on Facebook and I'd be happy to come out to your house and give you a special deal on a massage. I sure hope I was able to relax you today.". (Do I even need to insert my eye roll?) I responded with my typical Martzy sarcasm, "Oh yea right. Is that what you were doing?". He laid his head on the back of mine, let out a deep sigh and said, in the most self deprecating way, "I suck!". I could have sworn he threw in the word "again", with a whisper, at the end.
I needed to use the bathroom, but there was someone in it, and I just wanted to get out of there. So, I left that building feeling, well, I guess stunned. I had no idea a massage was able to be that horrible. That's what I get for going cheap and using Groupon. I headed next door to 7-11 to use their restroom, where the kind gentleman behind the counter handed me a 3 foot pipe with a bathroom key attached to it. And I returned the favor by purchasing a cup of tea and a banana. I'll skip ahead to the part where I sat the tea on the middle console in the car to get in and immediately forgot it was there. I pull out of the parking lot, and at the first stop sign, I hit the brakes, and the tea falls forward, cap comes off and tea starts pouring all over the place. Small potatoes in a big day. Off to the grocery store.
After parking at the grocery store, I see I have a voicemail from an Ohio number. I listen to the voicemail and it's from a man named Ken to a man named Leonard. It is a very thorough message talking about the "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" conference they had both attended the day before, and Ken wanted Leonard to have his number. I felt bad for Ken, knowing that Leonard will never have Ken's number and Ken will think that Leonard totally ditched him (although Leonard did give Ken my phone number, so chances are, he did). Of course, I call him back.
Ken answers the phone and upon hearing my voice (which matches the voice on MY voicemail), tells me that he had intended the message for Leonard. Here's how the conversation went:
Me- "May I please speak with Ken?"
Ken-"Yea, Hi. I had actually left the message for Leonard".
Me- "Yes, I know. I am calling because I wanted to let you know that you called the wrong number".
Ken- "Well, there's nothing I can do about that. This is the number Leonard gave me".
Enter a 5 minute conversation about their meeting at the conference the day before, where the conference was, what Ken had gotten out of it and a, "Well, you know, cuz you listened to my message".
Me-a lot of uh huh's, mm hmm's and yups.
Ken-"Soooo...what would be the best number to get in touch with Leonard then?"
Me- confused, "um, no, I don't know Leonard. I don't know ANY Leonards".
Ken-"OH! So I have the completely wrong number?!?!?"
Me-giggle "Yes" giggle (thinking I had been clear about that with the whole "you called the wrong number" thing at the begining of the conversation).
Ken- genuine disappointment, "So, I guess I'm never going to get to speak to Leonard again, huh?"
Me- "um, I guess not".
Ken goes on to thank me for calling and letting him know, tells me a little bit more about the strong connection they shared over this new book and who he's planning on buying it for, and more about the disappointment of never getting to talk to Leonard again. If we were in person, I probably would have given Ken a hug.
We cordially say good-bye and hang up and I wonder if Ken's realization of never speaking to ME again will be as profound as Leonard.
Into Trader Joe's I go. I promise this is the end of it...almost.
I just wanted to get some organic veggies, an application and go. I don't know my friends' brother that well (aside from him being the best man and me being the maid of honor at his brother and my friends' wedding), so I wasn't too enthused about tracking him down, especially after these bizarro incidents. I figured if I saw him, I'd say "hi", if not, I'd just go. I got my veggies, got the application, and thought I was going to get out of there without another awkward interaction for the day, but why would that be the case?
As I'm paying and the lines are getting longer, I spot him heading to a register to help ring people up. I do a lingering inner debate about saying anything to him, and realize that I'm being an idiot. I walk over to his line, lean over behind the counter and casually wave and say "Hey Jeff". He turns towards me, his eyes light up and he does an unmistakably classic, drawing a blank on my name, "Heeeeey!.... Yooooou!" and points in my direction. I'm embarrassed FOR him! My first urge is to run, and I think I kind of did. I really had no idea what to follow that with, and I'm sure the customers in line were rather entertained. I turn back towards him, and say, "I know your brother called you earlier about an application, but I was coming here to shop already". HUH? Why and the world am I telling him this? He points towards the manager cubicle and tries to speak, but it really only came out as a bunch of incomprehensible sounds. I jump in to help him out and tell him I already got one. He responds with "Good!". I don't know what words came next because we both sputtered a few nonsensical words towards each other at the same time, ending with, what I would classify as a retardedly uncomfortable silence. I start to walk away and realize that I didn't say goodbye. I step back over, wave and say "Great seeing you! Have a great night!". He just smiles (along with the rest of the customers around I'm sure).
I walk out of the store, shaking my head in disbelief of this day, remembering a time when this was the usual day for me and NOT missing that aspect of my past AT ALL. I wasn't sure if I was going to break into hysterical laughter, or cry. But my hunch was that it was going to be a combination of both, which always makes me feel like I'm a little bit insane. Whatever the case, I knew I just wanted to be in bed in the fetal position for the meltdown.
When I walked in the door, after only being gone for about 3 hours, my friends ask me how the massage was. I told them that I had to put away my groceries first and give them time to prepare for the story I just told here. Knowing me for 15 years has given them an idea that they were in for a good one.
In the end, I only laughed hysterically, along with my friends. But I knew I had to write about it to fully get it out.
Thanks for being so patient, and I hope it was worth your time to read. If not, oh well. Get over it! I lost a whole day to this!
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